The sniffles and sneezes have hit our house this winter. Because I never have any cold medication on hand, I wandered into the drugstore and started looking for the best one. Instead, I found out that people are complete morons.
Or, companies think we are complete morons. My real guess is that some idiot made the warning labels on every single thing out there necessary.
The first liquid cold and cough medication for children specifically warned me not to let my child operate heavy machinery after taking. “Sorry kid, that backhoe work you have going in the south 40 is gonna have to wait for 4 to 6 hours.”
It also stated that the child should not drive. I’m going to have to venture a guess on this one and say that the folks that would hand their child (weighing less than 50 pounds) a set of car keys aren’t going to be reading this label anyway.
I moved on from liquid meds to pill form, seeing as all my kids are now above the 50 pound limit.
The first one I picked up said this: Do not attempt to shove pill down infant’s throat. Yes, it said that. Do not attempt to shove pill down infant’s throat. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?
Did some complete idiot shove a pill down an infant’s throat, thereby choking said infant or overdosing them on that cold med? So instead of going to jail for child abuse/complete stupidity (Yes, there should be a stupid person jail, covered in warning labels), they contacted an attorney, successfully sued the company, which then forced them to put that ridiculous statement on their packaging? Who should I be mad at for this? The idiot, the attorney, the judge, or the company?
I eventually returned home with the appropriate cold meds that I should not use as an enema (close one, thanks drug company) and started reading labels all over my house. This is disturbing, people, so be prepared.
Never use your blow dryer while you are sleeping. Help me out here...I can’t blow dry my hair while I’m sleeping? That would be a timesaver, but since the label says no, I’d better not.
A curling iron not only gets HOT but will also burn your eyes. Don’t try to curl your eyelashes that way, ladies.
Toilet brushes should not be used for personal hygiene. Before or AFTER use, it doesn’t say.
My shampoo is not safe for pets to consume. I guess wild animals can consume it, though.
Amazingly enough, my shampoo also instructs me step by step on how to use it, in case I just time warped in from the Middle Ages.
It also instructs me to save water by turning OFF the water in your shower while you are shampooing your hair. What do you want to bet some idiot turns off the water, puts a quarter sized amount of shampoo in their hands, rubs thoroughly through hair, and then (gasp!) gets shampoo in their eyes, sues, wins, and that company removes their save water nonsense from the bottle? “But I followed the instructions! Read here! My eyes were burning and I tried to turn the water on but it was freezing cold!”
I can see the headline: Jury awards idiot $2 million in pain and suffering.
My iron label says not to iron clothing while wearing it.
No pouring water on the back of your TV is on the label on the cord, along with a picture of scissors with a big NO across it. Don’t cut the cord, people, especially when the TV is plugged in. Good to know.
On my bar of soap: use like regular soap. As compared to what? Irregular soap?
I think you are getting the point here. And I’m going to go ahead and state for the record that maybe it’s time to cull the herds a little bit. Let’s take the labels off and see what happens. It’s called natural selection.
If you need a warning NOT to grab a chainsaw by the wrong end, while the chainsaw is on, and you are over the age of, I dunno, 10, I can’t imagine how difficult life is going to be for you. Plus, when will the safety labeling ever end?
I feel the need to tape something on my dog that says: DANGER. Dog sheds. My refrigerator: DANGER. Gets chilly in there. My shoestrings: DANGER. Keep tied or you will trip.
Enough is enough.