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New York City has really gotten tough on crime lately. How tough? Well, last week they even arrested Spider-Man.
So what was Spider-Man doing so wrong that got him put in the clink? It turns out he was entertaining tourists in Times Square and had the audacity to demand money from a visitor after consenting to having his picture taken for a souvenir photo. The economy must be really bad if you’ve got people willing to spend an entire Earth day trying to make a buck dressed as a human arachnid.
The surprised woman offered him $1, which he took as an insult and insisted (rather angrily, allegedly) for bigger bills. A police officer overheard the altercation and informed the woman she didn’t need to pay anything. That’s when things started, well, “spinning” out of control for Spider guy. Oh what a tangled web we weave.
Evidently he started fuming at the officer and told him to go bug off using some choice words, to which the officer apparently objected and decided to ask him for identification for good measure. He refused. After all, he is Spiderman. Why would he have to produce any identification at all? Isn’t it obvious who he is? Well, that got the officer’s Irish up and he decided to put the Superhero under arrest, much to the utter horror of Captain America, Batman, Wonder Woman and Barney the Dinosaur, who were all standing nearby. Spider-Man naturally refused and before the officer knew what hit him, Spider-Man hit him. Square in the face.
A scuffle ensued and before long order was restored once again to Gotham City as Batman stood there helplessly doing nothing to aid the officer. How shameful.
You’d think Spider-Man’s reputed “Spidey-sense” would have told him things were about to get ugly. I guess even superheroes have off days.
The police department phoned his mother to tell her that her son had been arrested for disorderly conduct, racketeering, and being a poor role model to other aspiring superheroes. His mother apparently knew nothing about his secret identity and was astounded when she heard that her son was none other than the famous Spider-Man.
He will probably feel right at home in his nice cozy cell spinning webs, eating bugs and climbing the walls while he ponders a career change. After all, he is Spider-Man.
With his cover blown, I guess that will put a dent into his crime-fighting capability. It will also put a dent in his wallet after he finishes paying his lawyer fees and court costs. And there’s one thing he’ll need more than anything when he makes his case in front of the judge — a good spin doctor.
Congratulations to this week’s winner, Steve Glad. He correctly guessed that “The P. of D. = D.” was “The Plural of Die is Dice.” The word “dice” was listed in last week’s column.
Here is next week’s puzzle: “9 = J. on the S. C.” As usual, at least one of the words is included somewhere in the column. If you think you know the answer, call the AdVantage News answer line at (888) 532-4441 or click here to submit your answer online before noon on Tuesday.
Winners may choose a free lube and oil change from Drake Tire, a $26 value or a $20 gift certificate to Tony’s Restaurant in downtown Alton, Gentelin’s or Jimmy the Greek’s on Broadway in Alton.
Winners will be notified by telephone on Tuesday and must pick up their prize at AdVantage News before 4 p.m.
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