Joe Crawford
Well, Paul Rosolie finally got his wish. Just who is Paul Rosolie and what did he wish for?
He was the snake lover whose wish it was to be swallowed alive by a man-eating anaconda and live to tell about it. He had planned on letting the snake gobble him up and report about it from the bowels of the snake.
As it turned out, the whole thing was much ado about nothing. Viewers were left hungry for more, as was the snake.
Most of the show featured him searching in the jungle for a snake, which would agree to eat him. He was armed with a machete, the book “Snakes for Dummies” and a contract he wanted the snake to sign certifying the animal would only swallow him, not digest him.
The show’s producers repeatedly stressed that the well-being of the snake and the man were of utmost importance. I have a funny feeling the ratings were of utmost importance, but what do I know?
After not being able to find a suitable snake dumb enough in the wild to take him on, he simply used one he had been saving up at home instead.
He donned a carefully constructed snake-proof suit able to withstand the tremendous pressures of constriction and the accompanying act of being swallowed whole. He had to rub his entire body with pig’s blood to even get the snake to give him a sniff.
He crawled on all fours toward the snake in an attempt to convince the serpent he was another furry animal out for a stroll. First the snake just sat there hissing at him in laughter, all the while pitying the poor man.
The snake got tired of the game and decided to pounce. It apparently felt sorry for him and started to give him a hug. It intensified the squeezing until his arms were about to break. The man then had to yell “uncle” to get the show’s assistants to bring the snake to heel before crushing him. While inside the snake’s mouth, the only thing he could say for with certainty was that the snake needed its wisdom teeth removed.
So there you have it. A man who managed to waste two hours of people’s lives who were hoping to see him gulped up by a snake, but in the end were terribly disappointed. I guess viewers found the premise of the show (as the snake did the man) hard to swallow.
Congratulations to this week’s winner, Terry Jansen. He correctly guessed that “P. = the L.S. of a S.” was “Port = the Left Side of a Ship.” The word “ship” was listed in last week’s column.
Here is next week’s puzzle: “2 = A. on the H. B.” As usual, at least one of the words is included somewhere in the column. If you think you know the answer, submit your answer at AdVantageNews.com under the Contests tab, click “Off the Top of My Head Answer” or call the AdVantage News answer line at (888) 532-4441 before noon on Tuesday.
Winners may choose a free lube and oil change from Drake Tire, a $26 value, or a $20 gift certificate to Tony’s Restaurant in downtown Alton, Gentelin’s or Jimmy the Greek’s on Broadway in Alton.
Winners will be notified by telephone on Tuesday and must pick up their prize at AdVantage News before 4 p.m.
Also don’t forget that I am available for public speaking engagements!
Any comments and suggestions, helpful or unhelpful, may be sent to joecrawford@advantagenews.com.