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Members of a prominent organized labor group in Chicago scored a big victory recently. Their union successfully negotiated paid sick days! Will wonders never cease?
Workers were busy doing the happy dance celebrating their huge 21st-century victory down the street at the local tavern after hearing the news. The next day their company responded by instituting a fair but reasonable six-minute bathroom policy. The policy was to become effective immediately and limits the time employees spend in the restroom outside of normal breaks.
Workers will be given a short breaking-in period and attend classes to help them understand the new policy. In other words they will receive potty training.
And before you go prejudging the management for their seemingly authoritarian and heartless concern for unscheduled nature breaks, you will be happy to hear that they have incentivized the policy. Workers who do not use up any additional breaks will each get a whole extra dollar a day! That can buy a lot of Charmin.
Some may think of the company’s new rule as, well, crappy, but maybe they had good reason for it. For all we know, employees may have been sneaking off to the restroom to shoot dice and were covering up for each other. That’s always where I go when I want to find some action. Why do you think they call it craps anyway?
Or maybe they were spending all that extra time catching up on all their important social media work. Think of all that wasted time tweeting, updating their Facebook pages and taking selfies, when they could have spent their time more productively, like, uh, oh I don’t know, working perhaps?
Obviously there was a problem or the company wouldn’t have targeted the restroom breaks and instead would have focused on more meaningful issues such as getting the workforce’s buy-in on the latest reincarnation of the repackaged and dressed-up quality management program or the new generation of endless team-building exercises.
Reportedly many employees were unhappy and used inflammatory language hurling malicious epitaphs targeting management. Leadership was quick to react, accusing some workers of being potty mouths.
And the latest twist to the whole bizarre episode was that management returning from the weekend break found that all the toilet seats in the executive washrooms had been stolen. The bosses have vowed to find, apprehend and punish those responsible, but currently have nothing to go on.
Congratulations to this week’s winner, Jeff Henderson. He correctly guessed that “S. = the B. P. of a S.” was “Stern = the Back Part of a Ship.” The word “ship” was listed in last week’s column.
Here is next week’s puzzle: “The P. of D. = D.” As usual, at least one of the words is included somewhere in the column. If you think you know the answer, call the AdVantage News answer line at (888) 532-4441 or click here to submit your answer online before noon on Tuesday.
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