Those European zoos are at it again.
A few weeks ago I commented on the seemingly callous and barbaric decision of the Copenhagen Zoo to slaughter two perfectly healthy giraffes because they were afraid of too much inbreeding.
So instead of, say, neutering them or exchanging them for more genetically diverse giraffes with another zoo on the other side of the planet, they decided to whack them. And dismember them. In front of schoolchildren.
Then they dragged their carcasses over to the lion exhibit and fed their lifeless corpses to the king of the beasts — who were also subsequently liquidated so as not to have any witnesses, presumably.
Well, now a zoo in the Swiss capital of Bern has gotten into the act. They snuffed out the life of a baby bear cub last week. The reason? Its father had mauled his kid brother bear to death and was threatening him with the same thing.
There are rumors that the papa bear had been seeing Goldilocks on the side and the baby cub was threatening to rat him out to mama bear, so that’s why papa bear was slapping him around. No confirmation on that rumor yet, though, as zoo officials are uncharacteristically tight-lipped on the subject.
I guess the zookeepers couldn’t, uh, bear to let that happen so they did an old-fashioned mercy killing.
And just to show a little good comes of everything, they decided to have the body stuffed and put on display to teach children that nature can be cruel. Boy, they’re not kidding, are they! Not sure if the zookeepers consider themselves part of that cruel nature they speak of or not.
If they really want to teach children that nature can indeed be cruel, I suggest letting them walk around the downtown area of any large city and behold all the homelessness, street violence and drug and prostitution activity instead.
As for me, I think the zookeepers had been eating way too much porridge lately. Better go light on that stuff for a while. It’s turning them into homicidal maniacs.
And leave the cubs alone. After all, they’re usually in last place and haven’t won a World Series since 1908. Don’t poke the bear.
Last, I would suggest letting them send the animals here for safekeeping and house them at a New York City zoo. Only I think that move would be met here with strong universal opposition. As we all know, nobody likes bears on Wall Street.
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