Believe it or not, in Spain last week, bullfighting had to be suspended. They didn’t have a power outage, rain or anything like that. They happened to run out of matadors.
What’s a matador? In Spain it’s someone with unusual bravery (or stupidity, depending on how you look at it) who makes his living from taunting and stabbing to death a very ferocious and angry bull. He does this armed with a cape, a few swords and in my opinion even fewer brains.
As a result for the first time in 35 years, bullfights had to be suspended in Spain because the bulls ran out of matadors. Usually it’s the other way around.
In the twinkling of an eye, three matadors had to be removed because of injuries sustained trying to kill bulls. Reportedly there were more matadors on hand that day, but they fell suddenly ill and the rest strangely disappeared after the initial carnage and couldn’t be located.
In other words, when play was suspended, it was Bulls 3, Mats 0. That’s Mats, not Mets. At first glance it seems silly that a basketball team was playing a baseball team, but this is Spain, not the U.S.
The bulls are being investigated for suspicion of using performing-enhancing drugs and if so, might be suspended for a few fights until they are eventually killed. That’s akin to our nursing a death row inmate back to health before sending him to the chair. Seems kind of like a waste of time to me.
According to tradition, the bull always dies during the fight except for some rare circumstances, such as running out of matadors. It is such a foregone conclusion I fail to see the intrigue. It’s like watching the movie “Titanic.” You know how it’s going to end every time you watch it.
And as you’ve probably already guessed, animal rights activists are trying to put an end to this centuries-old tradition of bullfighting used to satisfy the public’s blood lust for violence. And you’d be right too. So far they’ve succeeded in banning it in the Catalonia region of Spain. That’s OK, because the last time I checked illegal dog and cockfighting are still going strong.
If the matadors were so smart, you’d think they’d know the oldest trick in the book to defend themselves from these beasts. To stop a bull from charging you’d just have to take away his credit card.
And sometimes the bulls get so scared they have a bowel movement right there in the ring. But some people say that’s just a bunch of BS.