The Summer Olympics of the 31st Olympiad are under way in Rio de Janeiro.
That’s quite a miracle unto itself given the feverish, chaotic and frenzied last-minute preparations the Brazilian planning committee was dealing with. Nothing like waiting until the last minute, eh? Especially when you’ve had more than 8 years to get ready.
The competitions got off to a bang. The French gymnastic team members wanted to wish one of their own a good start, so they told him to “break a leg.” He did. His tibia and fibia, to be exact.
He evidently did the same thing 4 years ago while attempting to qualify for the 2012 games at a competition in Europe. I would suggest the team use another phrase when wishing him good luck from now on. This obviously isn’t working.
In the spirit of the Olympics’ emphasis on international brotherhood, love and friendship, the Lebanese team refused to let the Israeli team ride on the same bus with them. They claimed there wasn’t enough room, what with all the rocket launchers, grenades, automatic weapons and suicide vests they normally carry around with them.
The women’s soccer team won. Again (yawn). As usual. They’re pretty good, aren’t they?
After eking out a victory by a mere 57 points over the Chinese men’s team in basketball, the U.S. men’s team went out to celebrate and “accidentally” visited a brothel instead. A spokesman for the team said they had no idea the Happy Ending Spa was that sort of place until they left. A sign outside the establishment claims more than 1 million satisfied customers.
And if Rio didn’t have enough problems with all the unfinished venues, incomplete subway lines and crime, the dreaded and much talked about Zika virus problem surfaced a few months ago.
This virus, which is carried by your ordinary everyday mosquito, is capable of causing birth defects and can have side effects of fever, rash, joint pain and mass hysteria in high-risk areas such as South America.
However, on a positive note, sales of mosquito repellent Off have hit an all-time high. Off’s maker, SC Johnson, has been literally buzzing about its unexpected good fortune.
And last, Team USA captured its first gold medal in the air rifle competition on the first day. This caused much jubilation among U.S. athletes and prompted renewed calls from anti-NRA advocates for stricter gun control laws. That kind of surprised me. I didn’t really think they would go, well, ballistic over that.
Here is next week’s puzzle: “50 = P. for a B. in D.” As usual, at least one of the words is included somewhere in the column. Think you know the answer? Read my next column and find out!
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