Here’s a story from the “If you’ve got enough money, you should probably pay somebody to do it for you” department.
Pro golfer Greg Norman (who reeks of money from his successful golfing career) apparently decided it was too expensive to hire a professional trimmer for a yard maintenance issue involving one of his trees.
He elected to cut some branches off the tree using an ordinary everyday household appliance called a chainsaw, evidently adopting a rather cavalier attitude during the process and using it like a toaster oven or coffee machine. And it obviously got out of, well, “hand.”
Apparently he didn’t think it wise to take the necessary safety precautions like reading the operating instructions or asking someone how to properly use it, because he nearly severed his left hand in the process. I would say he bogeyed the tree. Make that double bogeyed.
Reportedly, just before the accident he had tweeted to his adoring public, “I’d give my right arm to be in the spotlight again.” And apparently he almost did just that.
A photo surfaced soon after the accident showing Mr. Safety posing with his easy-to-use chainsaw without eye protection, leg guards or gloves. Is that what you call asking for it?
Because of his unfortunate accident, he was forced to postpone his easy “how to” segment featuring a simple way to clean snow and leaves off your roof using a snow blower.
Mr. Norman is recovering in a hospital, where he is being treated for trauma to his hand, shock and lack of common sense.
He might have to learn how to do things with the other hand for a while until he recovers. Come to think of it, it might be a good learning experience to learn how to do everything with both hands. I guess you could say I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Congratulations to this week’s winner, Kelly Rich. She correctly guessed that “10 = L. T. of I.” was “10 = Lost Tribes of Israel”. The word “lost” was listed in last week’s column.
Here is next week’s puzzle: “1 = H. on the A.” As usual, at least one of the words is included somewhere in the column. If you think you know the answer, submit your answer at AdVantageNews.com, under the Contests tab, click “Off the Top of My Head Answer” or call the AdVantage News answer line at (888) 532-4441 before noon on Tuesday.
Winners may choose a free lube and oil change from Drake Tire, a $26 value, or a $20 gift certificate to Tony’s Restaurant in downtown Alton, Gentelin’s or Jimmy the Greek’s on Broadway in Alton.
Winners will be notified by telephone on Tuesday and must pick up their prize at AdVantage News before 4 p.m.
Also don’t forget that I am available for public speaking engagements!
Any comments and suggestions, helpful or unhelpful, may be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org.