Joe Crawford
The World Happiness Report is out again. There’s been a change at number one.
Finland has supplanted Norway as the happiest country in the world. And the Norwegians are not happy about it.
They’re so upset Oslo is considering sending troops to the border. Sweden, caught in the middle, is secretly hoping war breaks out so they can edge their way to number one on the list. Geez, I didn’t know the happiness competition was so cutthroat.
So how exactly do you go about finding out how happy people are? I guess you ask them. But what does that mean exactly? And will you get a different response, say, if you ask them on Monday as opposed to Friday or at a bar when happy hour starts? It’s very subjective.
They say money can’t buy happiness, but I can be bribed. And when you think about it, how many frowning billionaires have you ever seen?
Let’s face it. The world is a very grumpy place overall. There are constant wars, internal strife and political rhetoric is at an all-time high. And as long as Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are still separated, who could possibly be happy?
It’s showing in statistical data, too. For example, according to the U.S. Statistics and Measurement Bureau, six out of seven dwarves are not Happy.
The countries near the top of the rankings are those which have a really long, cold, dark winter and the population suffers from unusually high alcoholism rates. So if they’re so darn happy, why are they drinking so much? Are they celebrating their happiness or compensating for something else?
Also, when you rank countries in the world by their use of antidepressants, the so-called happiest countries are highest on the list. So basically they’re cheating by using performance-enhancing drugs to score higher. They’re doping their way to the top.
And where is the United States on this world list? We rank 18th behind such countries like Germany and Israel. Isn’t Disneyland the Happiest Place on Earth, with Las Vegas close behind? How can a country like the United States score so low? Didn’t the song “Happy Birthday” originate here, too?
Let’s not let it get to us. In other words: don’t worry, be happy!